In Dong Xian's PDA: Flash, blood...family tie...

Jenny asked if she could see him.

I already told him that I would not see him again: it would be best that we don't see other, ever again ... that was what I said... But it was a request from my sister that I could not refuse. As her elder brother, how could I disappoint her?

I thought I have decided to take the trip to East Ocean, and even asked you to accompany me. But when the time came, I could not. Giving myself some silly excuse, I asked Leo to go to pick him up: the thought of being stuck in the car with him all the way back was too unsettling...

At 5:45pm, I waited outside Sapphire for you and Jenny, pacing to and fro. It is supposed to be warm day, and the sun is still shinning. But the longer I waited, the colder I felt, and the more I realized I am not ready to see him again...

"Dong Xian!" Your call woke me up. You are walking up the driveway, with Jenny.

Jenny looked particularly presentable and well groomed today, in a white top and a matching long, straight skirt. She is holding a bouquet of flowers in her hand.

I asked her already whether she needed new clothes, and she told me: "Sister Zhen Yin offered to help me with it already." Looks like you have put a lot of effort into this. Thanks, Zhen Yin, for taking such good care of my sister...

With a bright smile, you asked, "Are you ready, Dong Xian?"

I said yes, even though I should have said no. I thought of so many reasons for not going but now is too late. I am looking straight down the gun barrel, waiting to be shot...

You walked off first, leaving my sister to me.

I held out my right hand.

Jenny looked at me with uncertainty, and finally let her brother, a stranger, holds her hand.

It is the first time ever I hold my sister's hand. I thought about this once in a while when I was growing up: big brother taking little sister to school, hand-in-hand, crossing the road... We seemed to have missed out on the laughings, cryings, fightings, chasing each other and growing together, didn't we? Where has the time gone? What is linking us together, apart from our common surname and our biological parents? I have no answer...

You opened the door to let us into the Diamond Villa. Jenny must be excited about meeting him. I couldn't get myself at all. The closer I am to the unavoidable moment, the heavier my heart felt, and my body had to drag my feet along...

Han Tai Jun was there with him, in the same room he declared war on me. I do not need the reminder that we are at war. But why is life so bizarre at times? Somehow, Han Tai Jun has taken care of you, Jenny... when all these should have been my job. What kind of fate that linked me with Han Tai Jun?

Our father stood up when we entered the room. Could not face him, I kept my head down. I felt you walked past me, almost wanted to ask you to stay, but did not have the courage to do so either...

Then, everyone else left, the door closed, leaving three of us behind.

As the elder brother, I said to my little sister, "Go, greet our father." The moment of truth: he is our biological father.

I just stood there.

Jenny took a step, stopped, "how are you, father?"... knelt down, and gave him a traditional Korean greeting... her face, her hand, her hair all touching the floor, with utmost respect...

She couldn't get up as she started crying. He stepped forward to help her... please get up... he said.

I hate crying scenes... all the noise, all the emotions are too much to handle ...

My body is still there, but my soul has left and floated above me, leaning against the ceiling of this room, looking at this family reunion ... Not even sure what is happening now: is that Shin Dong Xian or Shin Dong Xi talking to him now... is he talking to me or to my sister...

"You have to forgive me, please forgive me...."

...father...

"... I did something I should not have done to both of you..."

... It is all right. Thank you for coming to see us...

"...Thank for letting me see you again. You have to forgive me, forgive a useless father like me..."

... I miss you. I really miss you. Thanks for coming here to see us...

"It is all my fault, all my fault."

...No, no, it is not...

Why does life have to be like this? Whose fault is it anyway? If it is no one's fault and if it is only fate, then, is there really anything to forgive? At times I felt I am as invincible as Samson the Nazirites, and I can do no wrong. But, why is it so difficult to forgive and forget?...

The air is thinning quickly. I desperately needed some fresh air, and some peace...

I could not stay in this room anymore. I should not even be here in the first place...

Han Tai Jun and you were at the corridor but I walked past both of you. Head down, I quickly walked outside the Villa, found some rails that could support me, that I could lean on for a rest...

Then, I felt your warm embrace from behind... Dong Xian, everything is going to be all right, I heard your whisper.

Would everything be all right?

It has been there for too long.

Every time I thought I forgot about it already, someone or something would trigger it. Memory would come flooding back to haunt me, the old wound would be opened up yet once more and the pain gets even deeper... Throughout the years, the scar has become part of me, and the pain has become part of me. Why can't I just forget?

It is like fighting a war I am destined to lose, solving a riddle that has no answer, struggling to escape from something that is unavoidable... that is how it feels to be Shin Dong Xian, when he is not hunting...

Would you understand, Zhen Yin, even if I could tell you?

Maybe it does not matter... as long as you are willing to stay with me, that is good enough... Just do not leave me as it is nice to be held undisturbed, finally...

Zhen Yin's thoughts: Family reunion

The following day, you called me. Where? We aren’t going? … Yes, I can arrange that. How about Diamond Villa? Around 6pm? Tai Jun and me have spoken to Jenny, I assured you. She understands better. Give her some time and space.

"Thank you", I heard. I am glad to help. This is something I can do, the minimum I can do. You didn’t elaborate. I didn’t probe further. Maybe like Jenny, you need time. Like Jenny, you are nervous.

Jenny is panicky to meet father. To distract her, I promised to bring her out, eat something, get some clothing … getting her ready to meet father. You needn’t ask. I am doing this … for you, for Jenny. I brought her to the hairstylist, got a trim, and a wash & blow. She chose a white blouse as well as a matching long, straight skirt. Purity. Innocence. So sweet, so different from the Jenny I first met in the States. I smiled. I suggested a blue ribbon to complete the look. Jenny is beautiful. She received flowers from the kitchen staff and a special off-day tomorrow. I led Jenny to Sapphire. She looked frightened, unsure. I held her hand, pat her head gently. Calm down, Jenny. Don’t you remember that night, that night you told me how you missed and wanted to meet your family? Your brother and father are now waiting for you. Everything will be all right. Believe in Sister Zhen Yin, ok. Come, let’s go.

We walked up the driveway. "Dong Xian!" I have brought her to you. Here, this is Jenny, your sister. Isn’t her pretty?

"Are you ready, Dong Xian?", I asked, are you ready?, with a bright smile.

"Yes", you answered softly. Dong Xian, Dong Xi, let’s proceed. I left Jenny with you. I turned to look. I took the lead, with small steps, allowing you time to adjust. Little worried, I turned to look again. You are holding Jenny’s hand. Just like the way my sister held my hand while crossing the road when I am young. Brother holding sister’s hand. Kinship. Siblings. I am happy for you. I smiled.

We are quiet all the way to Diamond Villa. I opened the door, led you in, turned round constantly to check on you. I ushered you both into the main hall, saw your father, saw GM Han. So this is Mr Shin, your father. This is a family reunion. Hotel staff should leave. I raised my feet, paused, stopped beside you … and walked past you. Dong Xian, I’ll be just outside, waiting for you … if you need me, I am just outside …

I paced outside the main hall, nervous … waiting … after a while, I saw you walked out from there, head down, walked past me quickly … Dong Xian … GM, do give Manager Xu a break … I ran out, in search for you, as Zhen Yin. I wanted to make sure you are all right, to ensure you are coping. I am worried about you.

Left, right, I looked … You are not in the foyer...On turning, I saw you standing alone at the railing, facing Seoul City blankly. Seeing you, my heart settled a little. At least, I found you. That night, you touched on your sadness, confused feelings. You should need comfort now. I walked towards to you. You didn’t turn round. I approached. I embraced you from behind, held you tight. "Dong Xian, everything is going to be all right", I whispered.

We stood there, without a word, for a long while. Maybe you are not prepared to turn round to face me or to share this piece of loneliness with me now. That doesn’t matter. I could wait. I would only want to hold you and share the pain with you wordlessly. Holding on to you now, telling you silently that, Dong Xian, I am here, you are not alone … learn to rely on me … everything will be all right ...