In Dong Xian's PDA: Tears... confusions...

So, you left me... At a lost, I drove myself back to Sapphire.

Leo was sitting outside, on our suitcases.

"We've been kicked out..." he grumbled, "... took the key as well... three or four of them...THANKS for your good work..." I really do not need this kind of comment now, Leo...

Fine! War is already on anyway: It is time to make our move...

At the front desk, Leo requested to see Han Tai Jun. "... with regards to?" the front desk staff enquired. "Just tell him Shin Dong Xian want to see him." No point talking to anyone else...

It is that stupid bellboy again, "Please let us know so we can handle your requests first." This guy really have very short memory... already forgotten about his arm, right? "Are you the GM? Just go get him: GM Han Tai Jun, tell him that his hotel will be closing its doors soon." These morons finally got my message, and phoned Han Tai Jun. Promptly, we were led to a meeting room but they kept us waiting. Waiting is something that I hate...

Finally, Han Tai Jun came in with an old lady, probably Madam Cui Dong Suk, the President of Hotel Seoul. Madam Cui apologized for the incident, guaranteed to us that it has been a misunderstanding, and would not happen again. Guarantee? With what?

As usual, I let Leo do the talking, "... because of information leak, we can sue the hotel for one billion US dollars..." It has been fun looking at the expressions of those two, in particular, the lady President: fear written all over her face... "...We can take action soon..." Leo continued. Leo kept going around in circles without getting to the point, so I did that myself, "Let me make this clear. With a click of a button, I can shutdown the operations of your hotel for a month. As the hotel is surviving on a day-by-day basis now ..."

"Why are you here at all, what do you want?" In total panic, Madam Cui asked.

Almost got her where I wanted but Han Tai Jun stopped her, just in time. "General Manager, well done for stopping her in time!" I said with a smile: I have to put my hands together for his timing, "... My last advice for you: get the very best lawyers to help you fast. Even so, you still cannot beat me."

If that was not clear, I did not know what would be. With the little triumph, I went off with Leo. I thought briefly about turning back to check whether those two were still frozen onto their chairs but I should not spoil myself too much in one morning. I walked back to Sapphire, waited for Han Tai Jun to make his move but it took him more than half of a day to crawl to Sapphire to see me.

Han Tai Jun is too slow, not much fun... brought in that sort of gifts, no originality ... thought he would be smart as you have ever loved him, but he did not get my message at all... "Sorry, sir", he apologized, and that was all he could say.

Flowers: was that flowers or leftover vegetable at the market? Trash !!!

Champaign: cheap brand. Garbage!!!

Fruits: I have a better suggestion for my friend the GM here, "Please give this to your diligent staff who have worked so hard in moving MY luggage from MY room. Please, take it out."

"Sorry, sir", he apologized again. So, this is all he was capable of. What did you see in this guy? Why do you think I am inferior?

"General Manager, I have made myself clear already. You'd better be prepared if you want to fight with me." He needed a reminder: picking a fight with me would be the biggest mistake he has made in his life.

Besides, if he has been so dumb, so stupid that he did not get my point by now, he might never figure it out. Should tell him now, "Manager Xu Zhen Yin. Tell her to come over here. If you want to be forgiven, get her here fast."

I turned and headed back to my room. That was all I wanted: fullstop. Before I slammed the door shut, I'd better make it clear again for these nitwits, "I only wanted to see her".

I heard Han Tai Jun greeted goodbye to Leo, the front door opened, then closed.

I sat inside my room, waited... If I have a choice, I would not do this to you. But you kept hiding, and that left me with little choice.

An hour later, the doorbell rang: It was not locked, please come in, I said.

The door opened, and you came in: Manager Xu Zhen Yin, in uniform, head down. I couldn't see your face, but ...

I have been waiting for you and you finally came. I poured two glasses of red wine: we needed to sit and talk. However, even though I already thought about what I should tell you, suddenly my mind went blank...

You said first, "You said … you said you wanted to meet me … mister" Mister... I am Mister again... After all that I have done, I am Mister again ...

Please sit, please. We needed to talk. So you sat, looking at the table.

I pushed a glass of wine in front of you: you were still looking at the table, and have no intention on picking up the glass.

You would feel better after a drink, I said. You turned to look at me. I saw tears in your eyes, asking me why I wanted to hurt you... I never intended to hurt you, Zhen Yin.

I picked up my glass, wanted to ask for your understanding before we drank. However, you gobbled up the whole cup quickly. What were you doing? Why were you doing this?

"Do you have other demands … mister?" your voice was ice-cold. Mister... Please don't speak to me like that. Why couldn't we just be Shin Dong Xian and Xu Zhen Yin? Why must I be the hunter and you be the hotel manager?

Xu Zhen Yin have nothing to say to Shin Dong Xian, you told me bluntly. But Shin Dong Xian have!! Shin Dong Xian have a lot to tell Xu Zhen Yin!! WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME? WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO ME?

"Why are you shouting at me?" I heard the anger in your voice, and your tears were about to roll... I don’t mean to, Zhen Yin, I don’t mean to. I seldom lose my temper like this, but I have been doing it too often lately. All I know is that we need to sit down calmly to talk but I lost control of myself. I thought we could do that after yesterday, but I am obviously wrong.

Zhen Yin: I am confused. There are things that I do not understand now. However, one thing is clear: you told me how much you hate me, hate me for my plan, hate me for what I did for a living, hate me for lying to you, hate me for venting my anger at your hotel...

So you hate me, so you have forgotten what I told you in the lift, what I promised you in the lift already... That hurt, it really did. If you are concerned about your hotel, I could assure you again: the hotel would be fine. But I saw your tears coming...

I've tried my best already, please don't do this to me. "What have you tried your best at... expensive restaurants?... costly gifts?... Am I really so easy?..." I heard your accusation: it was like sitting at the court being trial ... I needed a lawyer here, but I have no one.

I have to do my own defense and hope you would listen: I am only trying to be nice to you. Is that wrong too? All I wanted is to see you happy, your smiling face... That is all I know how to do: I only know the happiness that money could buy. That is what I am guilty of: if that did anger you, please forgive me.

Apparently, you were not interested as you were trying to leave again.

I gave you my side of the story already. What else did you want? Why couldn't you just trust me? Do you see my heart at all?

You started crying, "Why did we have to meet like this? Why?" Why? Why... I did not have any answers for you.

All I knew was work is work, us is us. As long as we could separate the two, I did not see any problem at all... That was what I told Leo the other day, and that is what I am telling you now. I could guarantee that your hotel would be fine, as I would never harm anything that is important to you. I could give you the GM position if that is what you like...

But the more I spoke, the more you cried. You just kept telling me things that I do not understand... I really could not understand: a room is just a place for people to stay... a restaurant is just a place to eat... hotel staff is just the people you see everyday... guest is just people staying at the hotel... what do you mean? What are you trying to tell me?

Sadly, you concluded, "How could I let anyone take these emotions from me??" What emotions? What emotions were you talking about? I could not understand, could not feel it...

Or, is it just him? You did not reply. Is it Han Tai Jun, or is it the hotel?

If it is Han Tai Jun, I could understand and I am prepared to fight with him till the end.

If it is the hotel, I could not understand. If the hotel is not a building with a lot of rooms, I do not know what it is. How could I fight against something I did not understand?

Tell me: is it him, or is it the hotel? I needed the answer. You did not reply, so I waited. But at the end, you still told me that you did not know.

Is it that you did not know, or is it that you did not want to tell me? At times, I thought I could read your mind, but not anymore: please tell me what you were thinking of, as I needed to know...

"I wished I could believe they are all lies... setup... I was used... so I could admit that I am a fool..." Why did you have to say things like this? I never lied to you, set you up, nor used you for anything.

I opened my heart, let you into my world. I let you see me, let you listen to me, let you hold me... now I am vulnerable.

When you smiled, my heart flew outside the window. When you cried, it cut deep into my heart. When you moved, my eyes followed...I have walked too far and could not turn back now...

"Me too" You said, in tears.

So... the feeling is mutual...

For that, we should both be happy. But, why were we both in tears?

"Why do you have to torment me like this?" you said. Torment... the flip side of love is pain... I do not want to hurt you. But, I could not get through to you, and I could not understand you either. What am I supposed to do?... All I needed to know now is whether you would forgive me, and come back to me...

You did not say anything, but just kept shaking your head. The verdict is final: I would not be forgiven. You would not come back to me... I was stuck on my chair...

Then, you left me again. The last word you said was Mister... your last word lingered in the air... After a while, I stood up. Your tears were on the table ... I wiped them off with my fingers...

The room is getting stuffy, and I needed some fresh air. At the balcony, I witnessed you walking down my driveway, with Han Tai Jun...It is all clear now...

Zhen Yin's thoughts: Our tears

You asked to see me, wanted to meet me alone. If not, Hotel Seoul will slip into immediate crisis. Why force the hotel to the wit’s end? Why send for me this way, under such circumstances? Manager Lee discouraged me. Although I am rather afraid of the angry you, I insisted on going. Yes, because this is the only way to save the hotel … not only because of this … Yes, you are a gentleman … I believe you’ll honour your promise …

Seeing and meeting you have always been surprising happy and enjoyable occasions. However, it is different tonight. The walk to Sapphire is long. I confess that I hope to meet you … but … but … the current situation is awkward … That lie has hurt me. I didn’t want to hear the "truth" from some third party; didn’t want that to be "truth" at all … Do you comprehend? … You? The Hotel? You always understand me, why resort to this now?

On reaching Sapphire, I paused at that door. Carrying a heavy heart and some conflicting emotions in my mind ... I wouldn’t want to appear weak in front of you, the man who has become important to me, within a short period of time. Closed my eyes, took a deep breath before stepping into Sapphire … hoping my emotions have been strengthened and more in check …

The door wasn’t locked. I walked in, expressionless. The interior is dimly-lighted. I saw two glasses of red wine placed on the table. I saw you, seated, alone. Fatigue is on your face. You look both tired and deep now. My inadequate shield is weakening …

"You said …" I find it hard to speak … the silence eerie … the tension there … "… you wanted to see me? … "mister …" I added while standing. This is Manager Xu speaking.

No, I came on my own. I looked at you. Your loneliness pained me. The hurt in your eyes pained me … almost delayed the reason I am here, "Please tell me your demands" … "mister" This is Manager Xu speaking.

"Do take a seat", you said. Demand? I took the seat which is back-facing the door "I am seated … mister" With some lumps in my throat, I fought hard to squeeze out the word "mister", fought hard to be act as Manager Xu, fought hard to remain calm, fought hard to contain my pain, fought hard to control my tears … I looked straight into the table, fighting hard …

"You’ll feel better after a drink", you said. Demand? Although it’s against the hotel regulations, I took the glass, and emptied the contents in a few mouthfuls. Like the other night, wine taste very bitter. I placed the empty wine glass on the table "I have listened to you … drank a glass of wine … but … I still feel …" tears, tears, please hold on "… still feel … feel horrible" I turned to face you again, my eyes getting filled "Do you have other demands … mister?" This is Manager Xu speaking.

"Please don’t use such a tone on me", you said. How should I react? What else could I say as Manager Xu? What kind of tone should I use?

You said softly, "Put aside our hotel-manager-guest identities. Please speak as Shin Dong Xian and Xu Zhen Yin" I can’t say … what can I say? Looking at you, loving you … The aspiration? The occupation? … Most think I have betrayed the hotel, I am the spy. "I have nothing to say to you, Mr Shin Dong Xian", I heard my reply.

"But I have … I have a lot to tell you, Xu Zhen Yin!", you cried out. I have things to say too. However, can I do so now? Appropriate? Why do you have to be so angry? Why do you have to place pending lawsuits against the hotel? Why do you have to ask to see me in this manner? "Are you angry that your plans are being interrupted … your true identity being exposed earlier than expected?"

"Hotel Seoul will be fine", you assured. Fine? Thank you. Why do you have to force me here? Using such methods? … I don’t want to treat you like this … to talk this way too … What have you tried? Expensive restaurant? Or costly gifts? … Am I such a person in your eyes? Can just be bought over? … I can’t be bought … I wouldn’t …

"I … I just wanted to treat you nicely. I wanted to see your happy expression. These are the ways I could think of to … to make you happy. If I am wrong, then … I apologize", you said. I understand … I know … I have been happy … because of your attentiveness, your charm, your words … all these are bits of happiness money can’t buy …

"From you stand, this may not be an incorrect way …" You are a hunter, your job is to hunt. You are not wrong from that point of view … but … but … why must your prey be Hotel Seoul? Why must I be the floor manager of Hotel Seoul?

"You still do not believe me …", your voice is louder. Believe? … I do … I … I … remembered I came to ask for forgiveness on behalf of the Hotel. The Hotel will be fine. You said that. You will keep your promise. "… I need to make a move" I better make a dash for the exit before I break down.

"Why can’t you believe that my feelings for you are true? Can’t you believe that I love you?", you almost shouted. I heard you, heard you! Tears filled my eyes. I was rooted to my seat. I believe, believe … however, what can we change? The situation? The circumstances? … I cried, "Why must we meet this way?" … You could come here with another identity. We could meet some other way. Why? Why do you have to destroy the Hotel that I treasured?

"I really couldn’t understand, Zhen Yin … ", you said. Couldn’t understand? The hotel is not just an empty hotel. The hotel is more than just the F&B outlets and rooms. Here, we cooperated to make each room the way it is, we cooperated to make each guest feel at home, we cooperated to make dinners/banquets start on time … little by little, drop by drop, the appreciation and thoughts gathered and accumulated. There is the love for the work I am doing. The rapport built up between the colleagues over the years, the time/effort spent in overcoming hurdles side-by-side, solving problems together … all these are precious memories … I am not eyeing for the GM post … I am doing the work I love, it is not just any job … How can I forgo the Hotel? How can I forgo those memories? How? My tears flowed …

"Between Han Tai Jun and the hotel, which is binding you?" Han Tai Jun? Hotel? … That wouldn’t be, wouldn’t be all … I wouldn’t feel the pain and confusion now if it aren’t because of my special feelings for you … "I don’t know … really don’t know …" Tears are still flowing …

I wish to …no, no, I do … do believe in you already… I hope I don’t. I hope these are lies, lies … all these are part of your ploy to deceive me … If only I could disbelieve in you, hate you, hate your lie, hate you for venting on the Hotel … If only I could disbelieve in you and call myself a silly fool, I could feel better and could forget. However, the pain is intense and the longing is real. I do believe in you …

"I have given up a lot to be by your side … I can’t let you go now … because I have walked too far …", you said. I am touched, "Me too …" you meant much to me. The feeling is mutual … I love you, Dong Xian. Seeing your loneliness, witnessing your tired and teary eyes pained me. I feel sad too … You are part of my world now, I wish I could hold you in my arms tightly, comforting your heart and mine … but … Why do we have to meet this way? Here? Now? With the Hotel right in the middle? Why? … Why torment me this way??

"Can you come back to me?", I heard your call. Yes, from my heart. No, from my mind. How could I return to your side now? You want to accept "well-recognised spy"? Your tears burnt into my heart. That pains me. That hurts. My defence, if any, has all broken down. I took a deep breath, "I am going to leave now … mister" … I escaped out of Sapphire again.

I literally ran. Tears on my face. I hid near the wall, cried. Heartache, pain, soreness, confusion … We walked far towards each other … from LA to Seoul; from being startled to realization … I am so close to the man I love, so near … yet so far … why? Why?

"Nothing happened … I am fine … The hotel will be fine …" Yes, the hotel will be fine. Am I fine? Am I? I started for the main building, following GM Han’s lead. I walked a few steps … turned and looked at Sapphire, the place where you are … walked back wordlessly …

Felt some fingers pointing behind me, felt some words arrowing at me … on the way back to the changing room, GM Han instructed the floor manager of Hotel Seoul not to interfere with the hotel matters. Not to interfere? Even GM Han doesn’t understand … For the hotel, we ended up on opposite sides. For the hotel, I left you and myself in tears … Not to interfere? … too hard to explain … too tired to clarify … I turned and walked into the changing room.

In front of my locker, I paused. I remembered our kiss at the staff entrance, your love, your promise, your words, your eyes - where my pain and fatigue are mirrored … the tears we just shed … your face, expressions still fresh in my mind … It is clear to me now that you are a hunter and your prey is Hotel Seoul. It is clear to me now that we have fallen for each other. It is also crystal clear to me that I am now trapped between the Hotel that has been part of me, and you, who is the man I love. I don’t know what else can I do in this dilemma. Why do I have to meet you now, here and in such a way? … I sat on a deserted seat. I held my face with my hands. Fresh tears flowed down my cheeks again … my heart cried along with me …