Tai Jun's thoughts: Regrets... who does not have?

I went to the Director's office to discuss with Madam Cui about Yun Xi, but her secretary told me that she went to the hospital alone. She did these things all the time: while she took care of everyone, she did not want to bother anyone with her troubles or asked anyone to help out when she fell sick.

Then, I bumped into her at the driveway. She suggested that we find a place to chat so I took her to my secret hiding place, the tennis court.

Unlike the late president Cui, Madam Cui does not smile too often, and in fact, does not talk much either. But we all knew that she treated us like her own kids, in particular me. As my mother passed away when I was still young, everyday after school, I would walk to the hotel to wait for my father to knock off. Every time Madam Cui saw me, she would take me to the hotel bakery and let me choose some chocolates...

"I still remember you played against my late husband here when the tennis court was first built...", she said.

That was long time ago, "Yes, I lost badly". Those were the good old days, happy days.

However, her mind seemed to be elsewhere as suddenly she said, "I wish I am a tree: leaves will fall during autumn but fresh green ones will germinate after winter."

I looked at her, trying to figure out why she said this. Probably, she was worried about the hotel,"The hotel is growing now: we are having leaves."

Don't worry. Everything will be fine. It looked like the extension will be completed on time, and that will bring in new customers. We will pull through, I will make sure of that.

She apologized, "GM, you have worked so hard for the hotel and all I could do is to remember the past..." Something is not right here. Why is she talking about this?

"You have regrets too?" I enquired.

"Is there anyone who does not have regrets?", she replied. "I worked all my life to get to this point..." her eyes were looking afar, she was sitting next to me, but her mind was somewhere else..."I don't even know whether I had lead my life in a meaningful way: have I missed something, have I forgotten something? I always wanted to go back and looked again," there was a long pause before she continued," Thank you for keeping me company. When I see Rong Qi's father, I'll tell him."

There was sadness, pain, regrets and loneliness in her voice: What is she trying to tell me? Why is she talking about late President Cui?

"Enough, let's get to to work", she said.

Even though I am totally puzzled with the conversation, I know I have to talk to her about Yun Xi's case. At first, she insisted that Yun Xi has to go, but later she promised to reconsider. I walked her back to her office, reminding her to take her medicine.

Later that evening, I was alerted that she fainted in her office. I rushed her to the hospital, and was absolutely stunned to hear that she only has a few months to live.

I sat at the bench, my mind totally blank. A nurse came around, "Are you her relative?" Yes, I am her son. My mother is sick and there is nothing I can do.

I could not face her but I had to.

I went into the ward quietly, she was lying on the bed. Her face was pale but I still could not believe she could be leaving us, and leaving me so soon...

No knowing what else I could say, I asked her to take more rest and seek alternative treatment.

However, she insisted on going back to the hotel, "I wanted to live more than anyone else, but I don't want to waste time on hopeless cases as I know I am going soon." I really could not bear to hear this, from a woman who has been like my mother for the last 25 years.

"It is important how a person lives, and it is also important how he goes. This is my last stretch, and I couldn't waste it here." She still insisted on returning to the hotel, and I am in no position to stop her.

"Please don't tell anyone what happened, in particular, Rong Qi..." her voice started to tremble, "he is immature and impulsive but he has a good heart. That I know... that I know." She began to sob...

I just sat there quietly as I could not do anything to comfort her. When she regained control of her emotion, she asked me, "After I'm gone, could you take care of Rong Qi as your own brother?"

Somehow, I thought, if I do not promise her, she will not be leaving us, leaving me...

"Please, promise" she pleaded again.

I cannot face the truth and do not want to face it. Please do not force me.

"I am sorry that I have to ask you to do these sort of thing, time after time..." she apologized, and turned away from me...