Tai Jun's thoughts: Do you remember this?

I phoned you in the office, asking you to meet me at Casablanca. You did not want to come but I insisted. I waited for you, with my birthday cake and two cocktails.

"Why are you looking for me for?" You came in, looking lifeless.

In fact, I am not sure: it is my 34th birthday, and I would like to share it with the one I love. "What sort of cake is that, with only one candle?" You saw the cake.

It is my birthday. You've forgotten. You lighted up the candle for me.

... Do you remember this?

A kiss is not a kiss...

A sigh is not a sigh...

as time goes by ...

"The song..." I gave you a hint. Do you still remember? As time goes by, feelings change, memories fade.

"That is from Casablanca, the movie", you replied, factually.

"The manager's training class?" I hinted again. Do you still remember?

You opened you mouth... finally remembered that today is my birthday. You finally remembered. What else did you remember? What else did you forgot?

"...at the training class, we sneaked into the restaurant to listen to this song, promising each other that we would be lovers forever..." yes, you still remembered, "Tai Jun, you should have told me earlier so we can get the whole gang to celebrate your birthday with you!" I just wanted to be with you, Zhen Yin, I did not want anyone else.

"Sorry, Tai Jun." What was that sorry for? Forgetting my birthday? Ignoring my feeling?

Do you still remember what you gave me for my birthday? You thought hard but could not remember. Was it really that long ago?

You had a sip of the cocktail I prepared for you, "Kiss of fire..." that is the name of the cocktail, I hinted again.

You laughed, "I remembered now! I gave you a kiss for your birthday!" Was that really funny? I looked at you, you blushed a little, and said to me softly,"Do you want that now?" As your man, yes; as your friend, no. Shin Dong Xian is your man now, and I am your friend.

"I am not interested in the lips kissed by another man already." I admit: I am jealous of Shin Dong Xian. You did not think it was funny as I remind you of him.

"Sorry, that was meant to be a joke", I apologized. Your head down, "I knew you were not joking..."

The atmosphere stiffened, and I changed topic. "Please blow out the candle for me" My birthday party, the two of us, remembering the old days. Do you remember we talk all night about our dream as an hotelier?

However, your mind seemed to be elsewhere: "Why happy time always go so fast, Tai Jun?" you asked. "Dreams are all gone now, and all that is left is work..." I replied.

"You are tired, right, Tai Jun?" Somehow, what I said brought you back into reality.

I am fine; it is you that I am worrying about. Do you know how much I missed your smile? It is in your smile that I find strength; it is in your happiness that I found mine.

"Forget what you should forget..." I reminded you, as a friend. "If I can control that, then, there will not be any worries in the world... and no regrets" I did not know what to say.

You changed topic again:"Tai Jun, you know no one love our hotel more than me, right?"

Of course I know:"Your love for the hotel is just like my love... for you", I swallowed the last word.

"You love me, right?" You heard me. Was it your signal for me? However, when I looked at you, you were not looking at me. Your mind was on someone else...

"... love you as a good colleague..." I replied, correcting myself.

Finally, I got you to smile again. I really missed your smile.

"I wished we could remain friend forever as it was always comforting with you around...", You picked up the cocktail drink, and toasted. My head down, and I nodded silently.

Zhen Yin, I wanted to tell you that I love you, really. But why is it so difficult? Why didn't I have the courage? Why is that every time I tried to tell you, the words just came out wrong? Why is that every time I missed the opportunity, it became even harder next time?

Zhen Yin's thoughts: Then and now...

At my desk, on my seat, I felt unusually vexed and tired. The energetic me is feeling drained. Chun Qing mocked at my tired look. The phone rang, could that be … turned out to be you. You called and insisted that I meet you at Casablanca. Haven’t we just seen it? However, I obliged.

"General Manager! Han Tai Jun! … Why are you looking for me for?" I arrived at the second storey of Casablanca, with only half a mind. The other half of me seemed lost in an empty space. You asked me to light the candle on the cake. "What kind of cake is that, with only one candle?" Without much of a thought, I obliged.

Yes, I remembered this song. It’s the sub-theme of the movie Casablanca. Yes, I should be correct. What are you trying to say?

"The manager's training class?", you said … then, suddenly … I turned round to look at you … my eyes glowed … I covered my mouth with surprise … the cake with one candle, this song, this date … It’s your birthday today! My goodness, I have cleanly forgotten about it! Yes, I understand now. I do remember. One candle indicates our promise to stay as a young couple forever. I smiled. Those were the times, the happier days.

Why didn’t you inform us earlier? The staff can throw a celebration for you? I apologized, "Sorry, Tai Jun". Sorry for forgetting your birthday, sorry for not preparing a gift. I wasn’t in the correct frame of mind recently. I forgot. I shouldn’t have forgotten.

I couldn’t recall the gift I gave you previously. That seemed so long ago. We only just got to know each other then, I shouldn’t have prepared anything. I sipped the cocktail you prepared. You are good in this area. "The name of the cocktail is kiss of fire …", you said. I laughed. I gave you a kiss then. "Do you still want this present now?", I asked.

"I am not interested in the lips kissed by another man already", you said dryly. The scene at the staff entrance has reached your eyes … I could remember his features clearly, the parting at the Sapphire driveway … the hurt is still so near … my head down. I feel so troubled. If only I could like him less … then I wouldn’t be that vexed now. You needn’t deny anything. I know you are not joking, Han Tai Jun.

We blew the candle, followed by ill-coordinated claps. Happier times seemed to have deserted us. Dreams have also departed. The only thing left now is work and more work. You should be feeling tired too, Tai Jun.

Why must I always smile like a fool? I feel tired and troubled, never feel it so real before. How could I still smile like before in this emotional state? Who appreciates my smile? Guest? … I feel vexed. I stared into the empty space.

"Forget what you should forget...", you said. I heard you. I turned serious, "If only I can control that, then, there will not be any worries in the world... and no regrets …" If only I could control my heart … but I couldn’t … That is not something that is controllable by a click of button, Han Tai Jun. Then, I am certain of the reason of the vivid hurt and love that are residing in my heart.

At the same time, I am also worried about our hotel. You do understand my love for the hotel. "Your love for the hotel is just like my love... ", you said. "Do you love me?", I asked, with eyes looking elsewhere, and a mind full of thoughts and mixed emotions.

"... love you as a good colleague...", you said. I smiled at your reply, "that’s equivalent to love, isn’t it?", I answered for you. Why do you have to make simple answers sound complicated? I meant platonic love, Tai Jun. There is no misunderstanding in me anymore. I wouldn’t ask you that ancient question anymore.

"Tai Jun, thank you", I said. I am grateful for your friendship. Cheers, Tai Jun. "Happy Birthday." We drank the cocktail.

We left. Halfway down the staircase, I stopped. I looked longingly at that seat, the seat he used to occupy. That seat was empty. All I saw was Leo. My heart sank.